Alone...

It's unbelieveble the way you can feel about a situation. You're so fine one day and something unexpected, but that you really wanted to, happens and you don't have any idea of what to do. You're kind of blind in the middle of a dark night.
No moon and no stars and you're alone. Alone with your thoughts, your very dangerous thoughts. You search for answers, but all you find are questions. And you find out how sensitive you are, how silly you can be and also how you can hide yourself your own weaknesses. It's easier not to see them, really easier. Imagine yourself fighting against something you know it's inside, you know it's not only part of you but you yourself. Even accepting it for some time, you notice how difficult it is for you. Even having friends who accept you the way you are, you notice there's something wrong. Is it an established social basis you'll never be able to rebuild or at least control? How are you going to live with it? Neither your friends nor the society's development of consciousness is going to help you now. You're alone and you'll always be.
Better stop thinking about it then.
Continue living and forget it.
Yes, I feel much better now.